Friday, October 08, 2010

My Artistic Conundrum

I'm an artist.
I want to be a successful artist.
I take the Classes.
I read the Books.
I go to the Conventions.
I follow the steps.

I burn out.
I vegetate.
I watch way too much TV.
I read mysteries & magazines.
I ignore the studio.
I ignore my friends - artistic or not. 

I wake up a little & look around.
I realize I haven't made art in awhile.

I enter the studio & see a mess.
I order paper trays & drool over storage bins.
I reorganize.  Again.
I make a new list.
I read inspiring blogs.
I still make nothing.

I know I MUST create more art.

I must create it for my peace of mind.
I must create it because I need a large body of work to be successful
.........(whether for gallery representation or licensing).
I must create if I'm to bring in money doing what I love - and
I must bring in money.

So why don't I?
Am I lazy?
.........afraid of failure?
.........afraid of success?
.........afraid of not being enough?
Or am I just tired of trying for so long and still needing to keep on?
Has it become a job instead of a passion?  And a low paying job at that?

Do I need to know?
Or just do?  (channeling Yoda there)

I pour out my heart on the front & back of a pre-painted journal page.
I pour out my heart on a computer screen.
I paint over the page in broad strokes of multiple colors.
I rub black charcoal around the edges.
I scribble on top of it all with a good old number 2 pencil.

Time slips away.
I am making some art.

6 comments:

Creative Carmelina said...

Hi Sherry!
I must admit that I too identify with your sentiments here in this post...I think, honestly that we all keep on the same way.
Artists, tend to be more in tune with their emotions than the average Joe out there...and we all have our ups and downs in the cycle of creativity!
You are actually processing right now..and still being very creative!

Follow your whims, your passions...create when you are moved to do so...and the rest should fall into place!

Have a great, sunny and happy Friday!

ciao bella

CREATIVE CARMELINA

Silke said...

Oh, boy, can I ever relate! You know the crazy part, whenever I have leap in my artistic expression that seems really good to me, I get paralyzed! And then I have to force myself to get going again. I find though that once I get started, I get back into that creative space and feel connected to my art again. It's an odd process, isn't it?!? Much love, Silke

Liz-AnnasOnTheLake said...

Sherry, I think this will resonate with so many of us! I love how you said it!

Sharon said...

Sherry,
I don't know what you are feeling (that's Celebrate Recovery talk, if I say I understand what you are feeling, it can be interpreted to diminish somehow what you are feeling, because I am not inside your skin...I don't know if that makes sense....) but anyway, I know that I have felt all the things you wrote at times, and felt overwhelmed at times, and seemingly unable to get out of the rut I am in at times, but know that this too shall pass (aiming to be uplifting here, in case it did not come out that way).
Sharon

Suzanne said...

Wow -- how many of us reading that can understand every word you said? I've been through it too. Here's one way I've gotten out of a funk: sign up for swaps or anything else with a deadline. And sign up for a few of them. There's nothing like a deadline to get me going. Then after I've spent months going nuts over those, sending them all out, I kind of change my feeling and say, Now, I'm going to make art for myself. I pick a spot in my house and say, I'm going to make a piece of art to go on that wall. And it works. And I work on 3 paintings at once, and there you go. I hope this helps. Keep blogging and doing all the other artistic things you do, because it all adds up to a very artistic life.

Pam Tucker said...

Oh my, Sherry, you have said exactly the words I say to myself day after day! Yes, I can relate!! I go through these cycles. Some last longer than others. I seem to be coming out of one now (I hope). You'll be fine. A little down time is okay. Your beautiful art will still be there when you return!