Friday, October 08, 2010
My Artistic Conundrum
I want to be a successful artist.
I take the Classes.
I read the Books.
I go to the Conventions.
I follow the steps.
I burn out.
I watch way too much TV.
I read mysteries & magazines.
I ignore the studio.
I ignore my friends - artistic or not.
I wake up a little & look around.
I realize I haven't made art in awhile.
I enter the studio & see a mess.
I order paper trays & drool over storage bins.
I reorganize. Again.
I make a new list.
I read inspiring blogs.
I still make nothing.
I know I MUST create more art.
I must create it for my peace of mind.
I must create it because I need a large body of work to be successful
.........(whether for gallery representation or licensing).
I must create if I'm to bring in money doing what I love - and
I must bring in money.
So why don't I?
Am I lazy?
.........afraid of failure?
.........afraid of success?
.........afraid of not being enough?
Or am I just tired of trying for so long and still needing to keep on?
Has it become a job instead of a passion? And a low paying job at that?
Do I need to know?
Or just do? (channeling Yoda there)
I pour out my heart on the front & back of a pre-painted journal page.
I pour out my heart on a computer screen.
I paint over the page in broad strokes of multiple colors.
I rub black charcoal around the edges.
I scribble on top of it all with a good old number 2 pencil.
Time slips away.
I am making some art.